If you feel stagnant in your relationship it is because you stopped growing and most likely from attachment and fears of rejection/ abandonment.
the relationship is only a reflection of you both. You've both trapped yourselves in beliefs and ancestral templates.
so if you change yourself to the true you that you would be happy with being you'd be happy in the relationship as well. They are not the ones who trapped you or boxed you in, you did that perfectly fine to yourself.
And only you can set yourself free. By fulfilling all your own needs.
You've compromised to such a degree you are not fulfilled.
but it is not their responsibility to fill you, accept you and not reject you.
it is yours.
and it's your responsibility to not compromise over your capacity and happiness...to make sure they are happy in the relationship.
If they are the ones responsible for making you happy,
or yours to make them happy, the relationship will seek to pull apart.
How do we commit to monogamy or even committed polyamory to 2 or more people with non-attachment? We allow. We have to love ourselves enough so that no matter what we are presented with we remain in our love.
When we give all our love away and expecting another to love us for us in return there is no love left when the partner "no longer loves us".
In many cases there was no real love there at all, only ideas of love,
only a belief system around love, feeling attachment and that they are "irreplaceable" is a clinging and suffocating energy that will choke both partners to death eventually. If we stopped loving someone, we never really loved them at all, cuz love simply is. When most people feel "in love" they are actually feeling love for their idea of love and the romantic idea of the person they "fell in love" with and it's felt from the emotional body/solar plexus and not actual love for the person from the heart center, truly unconditionally and without rules of engagement and ownership.
Ownership is not love at all. It's imprisonment and that is what is making you feel trapped in any relationship. You or both of you have placed a box on something that can never fit inside a box and it will seek to get out of the box any way it can. This new template of love many of us are experiencing resembles polyamory more than anything else. It's an all-encompassing love
that was designed to include those we come in contact with,it does not exclude or place conditions, it simply is love expressed from the heart center, connecting us deeper and faster than ever before. If we choose not to give this love back to source and allow ourselves to feel love and compassion for any being we are in resonance with our heart center will not expand in the same way as it would if we allow the flood gates to open.
When they say do not judge, the most important to not judge is yourself.
Your self talk. How you perceive yourself and how aware you are of yourself, your templates, patterns and programs will determine how aware you can be of another. How much love you can place into those templates, patterns and programs will determine how well you can love yourself and others.
Self love is a mythical creature to many of us in the beginning, we simply do not know how and we've been deeply programmed for self hate and self conscious programs that keep us from self love and self awareness.
By being too self conscious too much of our attention is on ourselves and we "miss out" on a lot of observation from our lack of awareness and it molds our perception to be more of a fearful, intimidated and inferior nature.
An attachment to who we think we are as opposed to our true self keeps us from experiencing ourselves fully and so it keeps us from loving ourselves fully. This is why we must experience "egodeath", ego death is simply coming to terms with our own mortality and our own shortcomings and surrender to our humanity. Surrender to life, but most importantly, Surrender to death. This is why people who have had this experience often say "I am not afraid of death as I already did die"....They have surrendered to their own mortality which then in turn makes them fully aware of their immortality as well, as they discover the now holds the past and the future as well as the present moment. They often age very well and their health also reflects this non attachment to life. Non attachment simply means trust. Either we have it or we don't. And if we don't trust others, it is usually from a lack of trust in ourselves. In most cases from having overridden our intuitive faculties.
We freeze up. We no longer trust our mind, cuz it brought us unwanted results, we no longer trust our hearts, cuz it brought us unwanted results and we no longer trust our intuition as we did not trust our feelings and make a choice based on our vibration and resonance, but our logic and reasoning which is usually filled with phrases and ideology from our templates, patterns and programs. So how do we start trusting ourselves again?
We have to get in touch with our inner compass, our intuition again.
And when we get that connection galvanized we no longer need to place trust in anything or anyone, we can trust our intuition, our inner voice every time. Spending time with ourselves honing these abilities to navigate life is detrimental to spiritual maturity. There is no way around it. There is no other guidance system or information that will serve you as much as your own soul's voice. And the only way to hear it is to silence the mind. More relationships would stand the test of time if there was meditation between them, prayer just doesn't cut it. Prayer doesn't get us to consciousness,
it's a communion with your higher self and Source, yes. But in no way is it enough to break you out of unconscious behaviors and keep you from going into egoic behaviors. To parent our ego and so be able to parent others and our surroundings, as we must or we'll go unconscious and experience the pain of unawareness, is only available to us via meditation. Our connection to ourselves, the purity of our light, the purity of our consciousness, our thoughts and our words is determined by the purity of our communion with our own soul light. Our own source of creative energy. Our hearts.
In our hearts there's a singularity or a black hole if you will and in this singularity is a "Stargate" straight to source. Via meditation on the heart center we can access more source creative potential and most importantly self love. Meditation is the greatest expression of self love in my opinion, even more so than masturbation or self care, as meditation gives you no short term gratification and is a full commitment to know your own mind and your own soul and most importantly your own love.
Is monogamy excluded from my belief system? No, not at all.
But I do no longer condemn polyamory, I know a few who live it and breath it and because they are spiritual mature they make it work. I see more of the other hand however, people believing they are ready for that level of love and their attachments and conditions blow up in their faces at some point.
They simply cannot let go of their templates, patterns and programs and most of all, gave the other person the responsibility of loving them for them.
And so it caves in on itself eventually just like a monogamous relationship would. To enter polyamory I believe you must have full blown self love going on for it to work or be more than half way there. I say this as in my surrender I realized anyone in my life, even my sacred partner, was free to come and go as she pleases...Meaning, my love is not dependent on her loving me.
Also meaning I am no longer co-dependent, I don't need anyone to reflect love back to me in order for me to find myself loveable.
This does not mean I do no longer seek symbiotic relations and synergy.
I very much enjoy such relations of equal exchange of energy to create better conditions of living and loving for all involved. But it means I am self sustained when it comes to love. It means I love myself enough to give love to others without emptying out. I fill my cup before I give. I take care of me, before I ever reach out to any other. Even her. It means I do not go seeking for love, I go seeking to give love and so I get in return what I already am.
You either are love or you are not. And it's a choice. It is all a choice we make daily and from moment to moment. You choose to step into love and step out of love, when you could always choose to remain in love.
This way we never fall in love, we never go unconscious from overwhelming emotional bodies into a template of romantic love, but we rise in love, we ascend into higher realms of love, this is spiritual love.
This love is never hungry. It is always full and it's pouring over.
- Ulf Haukenes
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